Dear loves,
I’ve been thinking about birthdays and how long is long enough to have lived a long life.
When Tom was about 80 he was diagnosed with cancer. He opted into a light course of treatment. And after, as best as he could, he carried on with his vibrant, active life of traveling and visiting with friends.
Within a year it was obvious cancer had the upper hand. And Tom was okay with that. He was also okay for this to be his end.
This is how he told me.
“I don’t fear death. In fact it’s the only experience my mother, daddy, brother and Steve have had, that I haven’t. I’m looking forward to sharing that with them.”
Some of his friends were disappointed that he chose not to keep pursuing treatments. They said he was too young to die.
Tom had a different perspective. Treatments left him feeling worse, not better. Treatments made it hard for him to do what most lit him up, which was connecting people around the world. So he opted not to pursue more.
I respected his wishes and did my best to make his last months full of endless love while walking alongside him to his grave.
His partner, Steve, died in his 60s. At the time, we thought he was lucky to be able to sneak in one last Christmas season in Europe with Tom, and that he didn’t suffer long.
My father died when he was 30. He certainly left a wonderful legacy in those years.
So to return back to this: how long is long enough to have lived a long life?
I wonder: what if we stop measuring life by its length and instead by its depth?
with great love for your deep and beautiful life,
kristin
“And in the end it’s not the years in your life that count; it’s the life in your years.”
Author and doctor, Edward J. Stieglitz