Dear loves,
One of Tom’s last decisions was to hire someone to care for him when he no longer could. That person was Irina.
Irina had been a doctor in her birth country of Russia, and she had cared for two people in Tom’s circle as they were dying.
Irina became quickly familiar and invaluable to all of us, caring for Tom and, in turn, caring for us as well. She generously kept us up to date when we stepped away for a night. Her presence allowed us a few hours to restore ourselves, knowing he was in wonderful hands. She was also just enough a stranger that none of us were victims to pride or embarrassment, the way we might be with family or close friends.
Ultimately the greatest gift she gave us was to help us all transition from the people we knew each other to be, to the people God knows us to be.
She helped Tom transition from the consummate, impeccably dressed host, who proudly introduced his godchildren to anyone we passed, to the child of God content to stay in bed in pajamas, receiving no visitors.
She helped my children transition from knowing Tom as their jovial, well-traveled godfather, who was always excited to share with them an interesting toy from one of his trips, to the child of God deeply content with never traveling again.
And she helped me transition from being Tom’s close cousin who yielded said godchildren and shared with him a love of art and travel, to the confidante, caregiver, and protector of this child of God and his final wishes.
We often hold so tight to who people are to us, we forget who they are to God. That’s part of the great letting go. Seeing people we’ve known and loved our entire lives go from independent and vibrant to dependent and frustrated, changing into versions of themselves we’ve never witnessed nor could we imagine existed.
It’s often bumpy to take on these new roles and to experience these transitions firsthand. Death forces us to remove any veils of vanity and pride. Death reverses roles. Death forces us to see the child of God in each of us.
And if you’re lucky, you’ll have a person like Irina to help all of you make these transitions.
with great love for your life,
kristin